Part of the Series “Hope Carried to Others” on the Into the Deep Blog.
Santa is not the only one making a list and checking it twice as Christmas approaches. I have a Christmas card list, and an elaborate spreadsheet of gifts to purchase, ship, or wrap. Each of my kids has extensive wish lists of items, most of which they do not need. There are dozens of Legos sets, random tween tech gear, and even an electronic cow that can be fed with a baby bottle. They are doing a lot of earnest asking for the things they believe they need in order to be happy.
Perhaps our “wish list” of requests to God takes on a different format: take away this illness, get me this job, change this person who irritates me. We ask, pray, and hope for the things that we believe will bring us joy. Sometimes we pray and pray for things that never come true, and then we begin to give up hope. Elizabeth and Zechariah had prayed and hoped for a child for years, and by all accounts their opportunities to be parents had passed. When the angel Gabriel appears to Zechariah, he says “Do not be afraid, Zechariah, for your prayer has been heard.” –Luke 1:13. Instead of responding with joy and gratitude, Zechariah questions how God could possibly answer his prayers at this time. Why now, after all these years?
Luke’s Gospel pairs two announcements from the angel Gabriel: the pregnancy of Elizabeth and that of Mary. Two impossible scenarios. Two births foretold. Two different reactions to the news. I want to be like Mary, who responds to God with a joyful “Yes, your will be done!” But more often than not, I respond like Zechariah with doubt, questioning, and hopelessness. How long have I prayed to forgive? God could not possibly be calling me to forgive now. I asked for a clear sign of a direction to take in a discernment, but what I sense now from God is not what I expected to hear. We make a list, say the prayers, and then sometimes find ourselves struggling to receive the blessing that God has gifted us.
But there is hope for those of us who doubt and fear! God does not withhold his blessings from Zechariah. The gift of new life is still freely given, despite the less than enthusiastic response to the announcement. The angel replies, “I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to bring you this good news. But now, because you did not believe my words, which will be fulfilled in their time, you will become mute, unable to speak, until the day these things occur.” Luke 1:19-20. Zechariah needed time. So in addition to the gift of parenthood, God gifted him with the space to absorb this news. In Zechariah’s story, we receive the consolation that God will nurture and tenderly care for His precious gifts to us.
When I find myself needing to catch my breath with God, I remember St. Ignatius’s instruction to “ask God for what I want and desire.” (Spiritual Exercises No. 48). And sometimes I must step back and ask for the “desire to desire” what is truly from God. I can easily decipher a kids Christmas list and filter out the true excess. It is much harder to sit with our deep longings and allow God to guide us down a particular path.
This Advent season, these are the gifts I am hoping for, both for myself and for those around me. God, give me the grace to want what you want for me, the openness to be more open to your will, and the willingness to be as patient with myself as you are with me. These gifts of hope do not fit in an Amazon cart. I am probably also going to buy some Legos, but not the bottle-drinking electronic cow.
Going Deeper
- Learn more about naming the grace we seek here.
- Explore Finding God in our Desires and claiming desire for our spiritual benefit.
- Grow in understanding of how God answers our namings and desires, especially
Jen Coito: Ignatius at Home 